He's standing across the room, standing 6ft forever, wearing your favorite fragrance, smiling with all his teeth intact. Mid-laugh, he pauses noticing you, noticing him and your exhale is caught somewhere between your chest and your throat. Yep, he's the definition of breathtaking. A quick lowering of the eyelids and a return to your conversation is just the distraction needed to casually glance over your shoulder. Yep, he's still watching. Quick...walk 6 steps to your right, twelve to your left and look again. Yep...following you like a diehard Twitter fiend. There's mutual interest, so what do you do with it? Ever found yourself in the scenario above and spent the night doing the "long thoughtful look" across the room, only to go home phone number, facebook friendless and wondering what went wrong? I've watched friends from 8 to 80, blind, deaf and crazy blow this scenario like Monica Lewinsky. Rarely returning for the re~gaze, forgetting that holding in the stomach shouldn't keep them from smiling, failure to launch the "sly~shy nod and wink" maneuver. So tonight, I'm keeping it light, with a few quick rules of engagement.
Men will be the first to admit, (in a really quiet voice that only takes place in their hearts, in the dark on a stormy night), that they appreciate being the pursuer. But, we've got to empathize with that long, heart pounding walk across the room and possible rejection in the most public of forums. I can only imagine the internal conversation dude must be having in his head as he knee wobbles his way into your circle of friends.
"She probably has a man..."
"I hope she's not the type to loud talk a brother..."
"Do I have enough cash on me to buy all her friends drinks?"
"Damn it, why did I think this Ed Hardy shirt was a good idea?!!!"
"Why is the one with the wart on her chin waving that huge flag with her number on it?"
We have a way of meeting, dating, breaking up with, getting back together, becoming engaged and getting married all before finding out a brother's middle name. So far, he's only said "Hi", but somehow we've heard, "Hi...I'm going to marry you in 3 years time, make you forget everytime you've been hurt by every man from your father to Tiger Woods, give you pretty babies and personally make your sun rise every morning for the next 80 years." That's a bit much for any single human to take on within the first 20 minutes of meeting. Imagine him telling you he's expecting you to be his mama, nurse, secretary, maid, homeboy and concubine who doesn't mind unreturned phone calls, at that first meeting and you're getting an inkling of the expectations being thrown about like shirts after a soccer win. Slow the hell down! You'll find out all kinds of amazing factoids by actually listening to what he's saying, instead of reinterpreting it to fit your needs. I continue to firmly believe that it's difficult to hide a wife, child, drug habit or unemployment for an extended period of time. Whether you've gained access to this information through conversation, asking around or the huge, engraved wedding band on his ring finger, taking things slowly can help you save face and avoid confusion. (Unless you're into that kind of thing...)
If you've made the
In a short conversation, you've gained his name, number, facebook information, twitter name, and a general idea of where, when and how he lays his head for the night. (Save Googling him until you're at home...). The chat was intriguing, witty and filled with enough pop culture references to let you know he was born within the same millenia as you and he hasn't spent time trying to buy, sell or trade you. What next? Leave him alone!
"It was nice chatting with you and I look forward to hearing from you next week."
This whole mutual attraction thing is not rocket science. Obviously, I'm scratching the bare surface on the potential of this situation. Hey, I never claimed to be a guru...
Add your two cents and tell me what I'm missing.