One of the things about living a full life filled with friends, co~workers, acquaintances, passers~by and hangers on is that at some point, it becomes necessary to say a final goodbye. Ideally, we want some precise severing of ties, parting of ways complete with the reassurance that we'll never have to see the person, place or thing for as long as the earth revolves. But life seldom ties such a neat and finishing bow. Typically, people are driven to this act through a
Despite Boys II Men protestations to the contrary, saying "goodbye" isn't as hard as we make it out to be. One of the biggest impediments to moving on is simply not knowing when to say "when". A person who lacks barriers exhibits tendencies that allow, if not encourage, all kinds of foolishness. So the first step is always identifying your "finishing line". What's the line that family, business associates, friends, loved ones,
The illustrious "them/they" have cross your oft~spoken of line of impropriety. Arriving at your home unannounced, eating the big piece of chicken, sitting on your bedroom pillows...I can guarantee that the breech was not as insignificant as this, but lets play with a couple of nonlife threatening scenarios. You're tired of repeating the perpetrated infractions, they are tired of hearing them. What steps do we take? A monstrous, INEFFECTIVE, blow up designed to make them remember the moment they trampled your threshold of civility? Truth told, it means little to them. It's like holding a grudge...you are the bearer of the burden.
Step one is always realizing that this (insert yo stuff here) is your perception. Honestly, I'm disrespected by the most random things. Don't play dumb around me, don't fail to offer a hand/shoulder as I walk (despite the fact that I may not use it), don't track your shoes further than my living room...but they'd better be in a closet by nightfall. Weigh it out. If the world doesn't explode and your name is still good in all your favorite places...it ain't that serious. Agreed?
And so the "egregious" occurs...and the doors to communication have closed, bolted, welded, locked themselves. The "move on" stick is in your hand and you're confused about how that's to be done...
Know your role. The key portion of "relationship" is relate. This takes two people. If you're all talk, or I'm all talk, rest assured, we've missed a vital component of understanding. Explain in clear, concise non~emotional language the problem. I can admit that as a woman, I've had problems with this, but thank ya Buddah for email/text/smoke signals/crop circles. (Avoid exclamation points and caps...just a hint). Frequently, I have a great point, but I'm quick to lose it in EXCLAMATION POINTS AND CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because nobody wants to hear or see that. In your attempts to put the past behind you, acknowledge your contribution, acknowledge what you needed and acknowledge that it wasn't met. (And if you never articulated the importance of said need, go play in traffic.)
And your future is bright...