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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Monster ~ A Review

Let the Illuminati rumors resurface.
Kanye West ft Nicki Minaj, Rick Ross, Jay-Z - Monster 
collaborate to re~ignite the viral waves with their Monster video.

Opening with a body hanging from a noose, the talk will begin to decipher when, where and how these artists are related to the "dark underworld" of the Illuminati. 

But once again, simpler explanations can be inferred.  Let's dissect it, shall we?

Kanye specializes in the "stylized" video concept for this millenium, so the images go without question.  Combine the visual "shock value" of hanging mannequins and the lyrics and what you get is typical Kanye. 
00:37 ~ Gossipping hands grasping his frame.
01:15 ~ Kanye positions his fans.
01:51 ~ Kanye loves his fans and their voyeurism *see Twitter*.
02:15 ~ Love me, DAMNIT!
02:25 ~ Enter Jay Z...*in his Hova voice*  Let's play with these images...yeah...haha.
03:03 ~ Insert typical Dame Dash Diss *chuckle*.
03:40 ~ Enter Minaj and her random eye movements and quirky voice.
04:06 ~ Try and recall a Nikki line without rewinding... (I'll wait).
04:50 ~ Nikki fights herself without Lil Kim's assistance.  Weaveologist around the world cheer.
05:29 ~ Kanye reminds you that he may or may not be affiliated with the Illuminati *allegedly*.
05:52 ~ We're all entertained and 4 more rappers head to the bank...

Good show!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Hard To Get, Don't Get Got!

I get it. Trust me. Even in this day and age of advanced, intelligent and independent women, a bit of traditionalism can be considered cute. Just don't over do it. I can hear the chorus of voices asking, "Over do it? Whatever do you mean?" I mean that ever so fun game of cat and mouse that we sometimes employ because we've been led to believe that men "only enjoy the chase". (They DO, but thats another story for another day...)
This is the thing, don't play so hard to get that you never get got...get it?

How does one keep themselves forever out of a relationship? These are five things women do to ensure that they don't get "chose".

Somebody doesn't need to
be on this date...
1. The Triangle
The Female "Rationale" ~ letting him know you're desired by many.
Now, I know what you're saying, but hear me out. The idea of dating is to enjoy various experiences. So on Monday, you may be at dinner with Thomas. On Wednesday, it's a walk through the park with Leroy. On Saturday, a late night movie with Juan. Which is perfectly fine. Unless you find it necessary to bring up the other men on your current date. No guy who is, ostensibly, shelling out cold hard cash on your date wants to hear what Tyrone did the last time HE brought you to the same restaurant. Leave the competition to the Beauty Pageants.

2. The "Too Busy" Game
The Female "Rationale" ~ I'm not going to let him think I'm waiting by the phone.
Newsflash! You can take your phone with you! So maybe it's okay to let him know you're glad he called by actually ANSWERING the phone. It's not the end of your "upper hand". It's the truth. And based on a completely unscientific poll guys like girls who tell the truth...and bring sandwiches and beer after sex .

3. The Test
The Female "Rationale" ~ If he wants to be with me he'll do a, b, c and d...all of the above.
The thing about taking a test is, sometimes, no matter how hard you've studied, eaten right and can still fail. I realize that setting irrational hurdles and ever moving finish lines seems like a bit of flirty fun, but how long do you expect the average, sane man to participate in your emotional marathon before deciding to throw in the towel and go after your homegirl? He's a man...not a dog participating in the Iditarod.

Would you buy a suit from this man?
Then why are you
taking his advice?!!!

4.  The "Steve Harvey" Effect
The Female "Rationale" ~ Steve Harvey is a man. He knows what men want, so his advice is good.
Whooooaaa! Not so fast with those assumptions. Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment", may offer tidbits of sage advice. Advice on how to pick up a Steve Harvey. So unless your intention is to pick up and date a 53 year old Capricorn comedian of questionable talent, game show host, working on his second marriage, perhaps it's best to think like a human and act like a human!

5. The Rom-Comedy of Errors aka "I just want a friend" Effect
The Female "Rationale" ~ It worked for "insert quirky but cute rom-com actress here"...
In much the same way as fairy tales, Santa Claus and a well adjusted convict with a heart of gold tell a partial truth, romantic comedies have doomed this generation of women to the idea that a "meet~cute" story is essential to a happy relationship. So what do we do? We have the heart to heart conversation where we convince "the perfect man" that he's better as our friend, hoping that he'll cross the previous four points to win us over as the sun rises over the Potomac. It's a pointless chase, because it'll never happen.

One thing is a for sure when playing the "hard to get" game. Everybody loses. Now go get got...get it?