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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Somehow, this topic has not died. I mean, honestly...once the subject has made it to Nightline, complete with a Diane Sawyer voice over, it's painfully obvious that more people are concerned about it than I initially thought. A friend suggested I watch Nightline, despite my hesitance to response to her inquiry about the lack of relationships between "successful" Black Women and Black Men, I did. This is where I have an issue with this segment in particular. Why are we asking comediannes, comedians, actors and Jacque Reid?!!! (The woman who openly admits she's never even had an orgasm...) My initial response, as always is this: Why is it you NEVER/RARELY hear of successful Black Men lamenting the lack of Black Women?!

I buried my "female pass" for about five hours and admitted some of our weaknesses...

We can be:
Inadequately supportive
Unrealistic resounding silence punctuated by vehement denials and death threats.

(*Warning: Sarcasm is my second language.*)

Okay...harmless name calling, however, as a Black Woman, I know what we're raised to expect...and I blame Tyler Perry! Sure, everyone of my female friends (no matter the age, credit rating, total acknowledged offspring, size and physical/emotional health) have found some dude with a heart of gold and an unfaltering unwavering dedication to their deity of choice who uncovered their past trauma's, sang a gospel song and lived happily ever after!
*Wait, not so much*

I blame Lifetime! Yep, all my girlfriends were long suffering and patient following their boyfriends infidelity, extra children, white collar embezzlement, domestic violence tendencies and they lived happily ever after!

I blame The NeoSoul Music Movement! Carl Thomas' emotional voice will drift to your walk up via intercom. Common will stand outside your window using flash cards to propose while the elders celebrate their 77th Wedding Anniversary gather on your lawn and urge you to say yes. You and your thug boo will sit atop high rises sharing some weed and bobbing your head in sunglasses at night knowing without making eye contact that you're all I need to get by.
*Fine, shut up!*

Unfortunately, VH~1 has provided the answer to this question...(and I hate them for it!) Spending the week (ummm, more like 4 days) watching VH~1 leads me to believe the following about Black Women. I was RIGHT! Maybe, not "right", but according to VH~1...I'm close.

Behind The Music was but a glimpse into how "men with potential" would eventually be played left...(yes, I went back THAT far!) But it was the dating show "Flava of Love" that garnered unwavering attention. Honestly, ladies if William Jonathan Drayton Jr. (and you KNOW they called him some bastardized version of Lil Willy...Baby Dray or Wiljondray) hollared at you from the door of the corner liquour have laughed, run and told a highly amusing story about it at the Girl's Night Out Happy Hour! Later, as Flava Flav...he's got his tongue in the throats of more women than evolution would have ever allowed! Would you have seen WillyDray's "potential"?!!! Then I see "For The Love of New York"...REALLY? (Pauses to apologize to Dorothy Dandridge, Paul Robeson, for calling these people " souls weeps). I could continue, but my tears on the keyboard hamper my ability to see clearly. Let's just say: Omarosa, New York, Pepa, Chilli, Quaynisha, Tangela, Floetricia and Gail are making us not only appear unrealistic, but providing a visual cheering section to ensure that Black Female becomes synonymous with ridiculous and alone. 

My question, lovely readers...
How are we conforming to these stereotypes?
How are we challenging them?
Should we have to?
Where can I buy sugar free, guilt free, fat free, ultra healthy dream chocolate?

Let me hear from you.