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Friday, October 1, 2010

What Does Your Profile Pic Say About You?

I have a secret to tell you. I’m ashamed, chagrined and chastised but I can’t stop. It calls me at 3 a.m. and use to cause problems in my relationship. When a 9 to 5 was my reality, it interfered with my work and frequently…~shhhh~ ,,, frequently…I dream about it’s greatness and potential. To reach my addiction more efficiently, I changed my phone plan, sleep habits and living arrangements (okay, that last piece was a fib…spanks my own hand). I’ve done some things in the name of my best distraction…
…And I don’t regret it!
...And it’s growing!!!

With tears and upraised palms grasping at desperation and despair…I’m addicted to social networks!!!!
I “Gator Dance” in front of the desktop, scratch nonexistent itches in front of borrowed laptops and had a religious experience the first time I laid my 10 inch laptop across my lap.
~deep satisfied sigh~
Dear Social Networks…


I’m joking, but not really. I’m the annoying little piece of your day with updates, shared news stories and alternating profile pics throughout your workday. Like a mosquito bite I am…scratch me!

Okay, let me get to the point. I’m floating along the feed and I see a story. “What Does Your Profile Picture Say About You?” Of course, I glance over at mine. At the time I was probably “solo dolo” with a barely perceptible grin, head cocked left and designed to not show too much of my background. Psychologically this speaks volumes about my personality. We’ll go over that in a minute. But this is what some of your profiles pics are saying about you…

Fake/Celebrity/Car/Flower Pics…

Tells me about your self-esteem. Everybody I know has at least one favorite feature. Even the dude/chick you met/tried to avoid at the club with the cocked~eyes and bad breath are rescuing the one part of their esteem that says their approach is welcome. Every cellphone company, $10 scanner and $15 camera in the contiguous United States has officially banned excuses like, “I don’t have any recent pictures”. And if there isn’t…you’re a felonious liar. No pic/no chat/no friend/you’re a spambot…crankwad!



Your Crusty Face Coupled With Money…
My journalistic integrity is now taking a backseat. (As if it wasn’t firmly located in the trunk before…). If you show me via the internet your bed, car, hands or the garage of your mama’s house littered with money it tells me one KEY thing about you. YOU DON’T HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT!!!! Honestly…get the hayull away from me with your reasons “why banks are the devil”. I know them…for a period in the early 90’s I TOLD THEM!!! Pay your student loans, pay your taxes and stop putting stuff in your potential baby’s name…it’s a felony now. It's called identify theft...(and horrible parenting!)

The Where Were They Then Pic...
So, we’ve finally seen you…at your reunion surrounded by the failures of your class/alone/or in some similar pose. I don’t know a clearer warning sign that says, “If I could, I’d still wear my letterman jacket, frat colors, class ring, gang insignia. Yeah…what are you doing now, hun? Oh…the same thing? Twirling a cane, stepping, hanging out, and living with mom? I pity the fool. And Sistren, it's important to be okay with who you are TODAY! Not who you were 10 years ago posing in club pics and showing off the last time you actually saw your feet! And for those of you who use your teenaged daughter’s pics…you are hereby kicked off my planet!!!


The Love In Da Club Pic...
I enjoy going out.  My semi~regular "girl's night" are moments of perfection. Going to concerts and random venues with Senor Snores~A~Lot can be the highlight in a long week, even though it's usually "work" for both of us.  My solamente forays on the town (or in other towns) is the stuff of personal legend.  Having said that, let me say this: If every one of your pictures features a disco ball, strobe light, bartender and can only be viewed via the local "party website"...it's time for you to find a hobby that doesn't involve a cover charge! The only exception to this is people who work in/for clubs; i.e. promoters, bartenders and dj's...The rest of ya'll, need to take a night off!

What does my less than prolific social network photo albums say about me? It says I’m out of my house FREQUENTLY doing random stuff. It says my locs are in that versatile stage. It says I have more than a dozen aliases. It says that I love my Suns. It says that I travel...frequently.   It says I value my circle of friends and am loyal no matter what. It says I have a boyfriend who snores so loud that I can’t sleep at night (hence I’m writing at the buttcrack of dawn).   It says that I'm in an interdependent relationship with a really tall dude.  It says, I hope, that I’m loving and enjoying the life placed with confidence by my Ancestors, Mentors, Loved Ones and the Universe firmly within my two hands…

Again, kindred…Love Free.

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