Search This Blog

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

From All Star to "Who?" In Three Easy Steps

I sat mute through the first season of the T.O Show. Rarely missed an episode and will admit that occasionally I watched repeats of the show on purpose. The guilt, the shame...I deserve a t~shirt or something. And since we're engaging in a true confessions moment, I'm not one of the new breed of women currently consumed with pro football, basketball, soccer, baseball, poker, table tennis or log rolling. I like healthy competition, I enjoy rallying for the underdog for the simple pleasure of true fans growing rabid and biting the face off bobblehead dolls. I may become a bit more engaged if I happen to have money, a chore related bet or sex on the table, for the most part, it's like Cake Boss...If I'm not sampling, I'm not moved. This is not to discount the growing number of women, who find sports interesting, but a trend I notice with female fans is this. Women tend to know not only the statistics of passes, rushing yards, the number of triple doubles scored and a handful of college ranking stats, they also know where players are born, how much parental involvement/support each player has, whether he's single, dating or open to changing his Facebook status to "It's Complicated" and exactly how many endorsements he can lose before becoming "that guy who use to play...".

So what's my point?
Women conduct background checks...
Remember that the next time you're tempted to embellish your career goals and objectives.

Ohhhh, you meant to point of this post?
Black athletes seem to jump higher, run faster, hit harder and become financially/societally bankrupt with a blinding swiftness. And once lying face down on the bottom of the barrel, some have a way of keeping the misery alive like Elvis. (I'm looking at you LT...and Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Ray Carruth, Micheal Irving, TO, Culpepper, Moss, Pacman Jones, Ron Artest, Iverson, Sprewell, Kobe Bryant, A.J. Nicholson Frostee Rucke, Tank Johnson...yeah this is becoming time consuming, and quite sad). In the NFL alone 78% of former NFL players have gone bankrupt or are under financial stress because of joblessness or divorce within two years of retirement. The NBA fairs slightly better with up to 60% reporting lifestyle altering financial problems five years after retirement. Where does it all go wrong?

Babies Mamas. The common consensus on the cost of raising a child, no frills ranges between 200k and 250k from birth to 18 years of age. This number doesn't include college tuition, private school or the cost of hosting an MTV Sweet 16 style party for lovely little RaQuay~Quay and 5000 of her closest "friends". In short, it's extremely expensive for "regular folks" but ex~wives and the ubiquitious "baby mama's" are learning to employ lawyers whose sole reason for breathing fresh morning air is to make you pay for the time it took  to harvest your seed in an abandoned condom and secure a semi~sterile turkey baster to nestle lil Jonquintarion firmly in her uterus. Yes, there is a variant of the female population who hears "cha~ching" instead of "sweet nothings" at that oh so tender moment, and typically, they know YOUR net worth, sleep habits, and just what story to tell to make you believe she's infertile. By the way, history shows the "avoid the Black woman as a potential mate" method, does not sufficiently counteract the "Daddy~ATM" principle...85.

Drugs, Drank & Skrippas. There is no surer way to spiral out of control than adding drugs, alcohol and strippers to instant celebrity and multimillion dollar athletes. And here's why. Even if the athlete in question is NOT participating in the consumption of illicit drugs or complicit alcohol, being in the vicinity of both AND half naked women bring out the liar faulty memory in even the most "Pretty Woman" of situations. So, if you're able to sidestep addiction (and trust me, everyone believes they first), you may have tainted your career with "crack head" whispers at best and a lifestyle to rival LT's best decisions at worse.

The Hook Up Business Associates. If I were writing a gospel stage play, this portion would be called, "Your Coat Tails Are Too Short To Payback The Hood". There is something ingrained in the DNA and melanin of Black people to "shout out" their hood. We just love "reppin'" where we're from. I'm honestly waiting for the day that a pro athlete holds the season winning trophy in his hands, thanks God, his coach and an extra special "Uterus Stand UP!" to his mother. We like our origins enough to think its possible to fold up whatever small section of the world that contributed to our upbringing and put it on the payroll. I would be 100% behind the hand up if it weren't such a hand out. Pookie's Bail Bonds & Financial Services is not the place to plop the advance provided by the NBA, ESPECIALLY if Pookie is neither educated, bonded or insured by some government body meant to prevent fraud. And trust me, I fully understand that your cousin Leroy is the next hot rapper to come out of Paducah, Kentucky...but does he REALLY need a multimillion dollar studio to produce "Gettin' It In At The Buck~Naked Club"?!!!

It's nice to have nice things.
It's expensive to have expensive things.
Poverty, doesn't know the difference.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Questions, comments, concerns, contributions?