You Are Not India Arie...

I often hear people lament their single status and say they're ready to "settle down" and be in a relationship. Then they cue India Arie's I Am Ready For Love and walk off slowly into the sunset.
Let me be the first to snap you back to reality and say NOT SO FAST...
You are not ready for love and you're not India Arie. This is the thing, love has defied tangible definition since dinosaurs produced huge endangered offspring, so before one begins believing they are "ready", it may be a great idea to know what your personal definition entails. Trust me, there won't be a test at the end of this entry...but there will be one in life.So, lets have a bit of fun with the lyrics and do a critical analysis of what "ready" could mean to/for you.


I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
Technically, love doesn't hide from anyone. Most of the time, it's standing at the end of your nose and fairly close to a mirror. That's right! It begins with you, so if you're hiding from yourself, guess what? You're not ready for love...

I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity
Are we talking about love here, or jail time? Actually, both. While being in love with another human being (yourself included) isn't the equivalent of doing a bid, an amount of freedom IS relinquished. Consider this for a second... If you didn't love yourself (at least a little), you'd be free to do any and every variation of dysfunctional, harmful and downright death inducing things to yourself because *shrug* who cares?!! It's only worthless little old you! Instead, even at our most base, parts of human nature (and self love) require a bit more thought and responsibility...which can compromise your freedom to self destruct at will. Still with me? Good, because this is the thing about being in a loving relationship...it requires two people willing to relent to each other occasionally. And once there, you're somewhat captive to the idea of remaining "in love".

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
I'm sure there is someone right this very minute rolling their eyes heavenward and exclaming loudly, "love isn't supposed to hurt" because they saw it on Oprah. And while I agree, in theory, in practice (and this wonderful little place called reality), love is uncomfortable at best and somewhat painful at worst. The brain has to contort itself in a pretzel shape called insanity to even come up with the idea of love, much less make it work and that is the source of discomfort. It's not all walks in the park, slow dancing along the rings of Saturn and weddings in the south of Spain. Sometimes it requires time, patience, bribery, incantations, prayer, sweat, weeping, gnashing of teeth, alcohol consumption and (here's the big one) COMMITTMENT to make it work! Committment is painful and change sucks.




Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

This one will shock and amaze you. Love is a redundant mofo! Put the needle on the record and watch it spin in circles and presto! A visual manifestation of what love actually is. It's not a spark. It's not a fluffy feeling. It's not a sunrise or a poem. Love is picking up the same 5 pairs of underwear and socks for 5 years straight, while mumbling under your breath about laziness and sloth. Love is knocking on the door of your own place for the 7583rd time because your significant other ALWAYS locks doors despite the short length of your trip to the end of the driveway. Love is looking at his/her favorite meal cooked for the 12 millionth time despite the fact that you wanted to try a more adventurous cuisine. Love is rolling over and contemplating the snoring mass next to you at 3 a.m., kissing them and fighting your way back into dreamland, despite the fact that they sound like a freight train running through your bedroom.

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here
If you're ready for love, you're going to have to SHUT UP! (Yeah, I said it!) True Confession Time: I'm a bit persnickety. Some of my favorite things in life are watching the lines left in my carpet by the vacuum cleaner, swooning over a completely clean kitchen and tossing out old things that I no longer use. My "partner in time" ...not at all... not so much. My choices here are only two. Become a stark raving nag when he drags his feet over my freshly vacuumed carpet, complain like a harpy about the truckload of "memorabilia" he keeps in the closet and shriek like night terrors everytime he uses a bowl, knife and cutting board to eat a single apple...OR, revacuum, rewash and organize his "memorabilia". Depending on the day, I do both...but I prefer the former. Every gesture committed by your loved one isn't some measured tactic to get on your last good nerve. Sometimes, it's just they way THEY like to do things. And it's not the end of the world, so get over it...QUIETLY. One of my favorite Ossie Davis quotes mentions walking through a room and touching your loved one on the shoulder. Small acknowledgements, not grandiose gestures will have to do.

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart
I mentioned this briefly, but lets expound, shall we? This is India's DEFINITION! At some point in your life, you're going to have to turn off the music and create your own song. Personally, a man who thinks with his heart would be STEAMROLLED by yours truly. I'm impatient, spoiled and strident...and left to handle a man whose brain and heart have changed places would only leave both of us damaged. Someone who is ready for love, realizes what they want their version of love to be. My song would be a bit different and involve 50 year old Scotch, clean fingernails and planned spontenaity. What's yours?

I am ready for love

If you'll take me in your hands

I will learn what you teach

And do the best that I can
If you've somehow found yourself in a relationship and you want to figure out if it's love, here's the easiest test. What have/did you learn? I'll wait...

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind
Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

Another simple love test? What are you willing to give of yourself? Again, I'll wait...

I am ready...
Are you?